Eons before I came moving out of the dirty, dark and dismal direct closet and marched in to the warm dyke world, I happened to be a staunch follower of “girl code.” Maybe it is because I’m one particular frustrating entities produced with a ravenous thirst for ~fairness~ in this messed up world. Perhaps I’m only my personal mother’s daughter (my mommy is the ethical dictator on the Eastern Seaboard). Or perhaps i am simply a self-righteous bitch.
No matter what the cause; i have been a staunch follower of “girl signal” since those flushed adolescent bodily hormones kicked in around get older 10.
Just what exactly even
“girl rule?” lady signal is a signal whereby all girls who are usually supporting of the gender, follow. It really is an unspoken collection of guidelines, occur location centuries back by our foremothers, to be certain we look after our type. It really is primal. Animal.
It indicates that regardless if we oh-so-fiercely hate that vile witch whom rests two cubicles out, we are going to
give their a tampon whenever she actually is hemorrhaging through her bleached white trousers.
Girl code is grounded on the built-in sisterhood we share with all females, whether or not we do not understand them really. We communicate an unspoken bond because merely we understand the hardships, the complexities, and also the unavoidable upheaval that comes in conjunction with being a woman in a fuckboy’s world.
As I had been eleven I was heartbroken as I observed smart-mouthed Brittany* a platinum-haired volleyball star “rob” the date of Ashley* a freckle-faced educational.
“How CAN SHE?!” we gasped to my personal closest friend Suzie Goldstein over a carton of candy dairy from inside the cafeteria.
Suzie, additionally a die-hard lady coder, sadly installed the woman mind. “I don’t know, Zara. I am not sure.”
Many years afterwards I experienced a “crush” on a pretty-faced long-lashed boy who was the spitting image of
(when I pushed myself personally to “break” on men, i usually went for pretty guys just who bore stunning resemblances toward sweet queer lady pop performers of today).
Trouble had been, stated guy had as soon as dated a buddy of my own. I asked her if she minded easily dated her lesbian looking for ex-boyfriend (not when it comes to those terms, however).
“Of course we NOTICE!” she screamed, flinging her red velour hot Couture backpack into the environment.
We vowed never to test woman rule again.
However switched 20 and started using the ~lesbians~.
I became a Sapphic little kitten fresh about scene even though We decided I got died and visited lesbian heaven, one thing really confused me personally (okay, a
circumstances, but you have where i want).
Woman signal failed to be seemingly as increasingly ingrained into my brand-new lesbian buddy team. My friends did actually consistently be online dating their particular buddy’s exes, flirting with used ladies and doing top-secret affairs with ladies nevertheless romantically mounted on various other girls.
“Waitâno, you cannot do that! It isn’t FEMALE code!” I would personally shriek within my brand new pal Talia, a girl who was usually recklessly smashing lady code together brown small fists.
Talia would move the woman glittery eco-friendly eyes. “We’re lesbiansâit’s different. We have
with one another.”
“Even though we intercourse with one another doesn’t mean woman code fades the window,” I roared with a feverish intensity i did not even comprehend I had. I became 21 with ratty locks extensions and most likely -$20.00 to my personal name, but We knew in my own cardiovascular system I happened to be lifeless fucking correct.
Not only should queer women end up being adhering to girl signal (even though we would undoubtedly, make love with one another, countless sex together), it ought to be slashed actually much deeper as compared to woman rule that is present in the heteronormative world. Not merely are we under assault by community as a whole because we are feminine, we’re additionally under assault by culture at large because we’re effing QUEER, babes! If there’s previously been several women that must be tightly sure to the ethics of LADY CODE, it needs to be us queers. In reality, i might call-it “queer signal” but that is its thing, worth a unique post.
But everyone of us, no matter where we secure in the sex spectrum, many of us, who roll in the queer woman area,
end up being staying with girl rule. No exceptions.
It’s against “girl code” to aggressively strike on a woman who has got a girlfriend.
Earlier I became in the Cubby Hole with my buddy Maggie.* A lanky lesbian with a swanky haircut arrived striding toward Maggie. She stomped over to the woman thereupon very sexual “vagina initially” strut and she begun to shamelessly flirt with little Maggie. Within seconds, she requested Maggie out on a date.
Maggie smiled politely (she actually is south) and cooed, “that is truly nice, but i’ve a really serious sweetheart.”
“That’s as well poor. I’ll get you a drink anyhow.” The lanky lesbian purred, raising an impressively curved brow.
“don’t be concerned regarding it, I got it.” Maggie appeared nervously at me personally (the bitchy unique Yorker who bites right back).
“i want to purchase you a drink. You’re attractive. And hey, who knows where your union is certainly going?” Lanky Lezzie cackled, all sex-eyed and throaty-voiced. She set an unwelcome hand on Maggie’s bare neck.
Eventually, we burst. “Dude! This lady has a girlfriend! It isn’t merely disrespectful to Maggie, additionally it is disrespectful to her GIRL. We are all ladies! We don’t betray one another that way!” I roared, since Lanky Lesbian easily excused herself for a smoke.
You’re not just splitting woman rule through another lady think unpleasant for rejecting the advances, you’re splitting woman signal because some bad lesbian is actually sitting yourself innocently chomping on a vegan burrito, as the woman girl will be HIT in by an other woman.
I mean, perhaps she’d anticipate this type of conduct by drunken bros from the bro club, nevertheless the queer bar ought to be a safe spot! We hold united states to a higher regular than guys (NOT PC, sorry), right?
It really is against “girl signal” to ask a lady’s authorization to speak with her girlfriend.
I just was at large queer girl celebration whenever suddenly an arbitrary girl comes walking to my gf and bellows: “may i pose a question to your gf a question?” Appropriate. In. Top. Of. Myself. Like I becamen’t also freaking indeed there.
Mention smashing woman signal inside soil! You’re equating my womanliness with weakness, and implying that my fabric trousers sporting sweetheart is actually my personal employer (GAG!), because she actually is perhaps not twirling around in a mini dress like i’m.
PSA: it is possible to twirl about in a minidress nonetheless have a goddamn mind.
Not simply are you presently breaking woman signal by judging an other woman solely according to her exterior appearance and private design, you’re also getting very sexist. You’re inquiring my personal (a little) a lot more male exhibiting gf for authorization to speak to “femmey bit myself.” Listen up girls: This makeup lesbian doesn’t have supervisor. Perhaps not at the office. Maybe not in daily life. And most certainly not in fucking love.
It really is against woman signal to date, sleep with, or flirt with your friend’s ex (without seeking permission).
Have a look: there are times when i believe its completely okay as of yet a pal’s ex because lez be actual. Our society is indeed small that internet dating a buddy’s ex will at some point (most likely) end up being inescapable. Particularly if friends are all fantastic, wild sluts like mine, and also connected with 90 % regarding the world.
But baby girl! It is vital that you request authorization before going into that region.
I’m sure finding a lady you relate with is as rare as locating a pearl in a goddamn oyster, however you must keep your self straight back if permission is not given.
It is against woman rule to flirt with your friend’s present partner (even in the event it really is simple).
Close your sight. Imagine you’re at a club viewing another girl splay the woman feet all-over your own hetero pal’s boyfriend. You’ll think it actually was wildly unsuitable, and most likely tell their all about it, no? Same goes for ladies on lady laps.
Believe me I have trouble with that one, significant. I am naturally a lap seated lez, into the most ~innocent~ of methods. I recklessly plop from the laps of gay young men, lesbians, my personal mother, my cousin and straight girls identical. It should be a deep-rooted youth problem of wanting for affection.
However. That is no excuse.
I have was required to install some rigid boundaries in relation to my pals’ girlfriends. Even if during my heavily mascara decorated eyes I am not “flirting,” it is still WILDLY inappropriate for my situation to get lapping it up back at my pal’s gf. Or anybody’s gf for instance.
It can get confusing for people gays.
Oh, we’re all women! It means absolutely nothing!
But unless you want another person’s girlfriend to (truly) sock you from inside the nostrils just like you drunkenly perch on her girl’s lap: go attend a rose-bush instead. It’s a far better option.
Its against lady rule to let the wasted gf return home with a douchey complete stranger REGARDLESS OF IF STATED STRANGER is actually A FEMALE.
If my directly companion Ruba gets out of hand squandered and slurs in my opinion that she actually is going home with some douchey appearing bro who is offering me personally a situation of complete human anatomy creeps, I’ll pull the lady out of the club kicking and shouting before We let her be in a taxi cab with him.
Simply because the intoxicated buddy is certian house or apartment with an other woman (aka maybe not a
doesn’t invariably mean she’s going to end up being secure OR won’t wake up without awful regret and pity spirals. Our company is here to guard our very own friends from risk AND from embarrassment spirals. Woman code, infant.
So there it is. Let me know what you think.
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and tell me you disagree. This is exactly a discussion, perhaps not a lecture, kitten. I’m just the self-proclaimed internet lesbian huge sister, exactly what the hell do I know?
OHâone even more thing. It’s against woman code to treat a woman you’d a one night stand with love garbage. Although it is simply a rando hookup (that we totally recommend) be TYPE to this lady and buy the taxi cab home. Women are to never address additional women like throwaway sex toys, under any scenario.